Britain prepares for influx of giant, immigrant spiders coming to squat in our homes, rent-free this winter



Winter is fast approaching and so are an army of giant, immigrant spiders, seeking refuge in the warmer climate inside of our homes.

A source close to the spiders has confirmed that they have no intention of paying rent and will just perch themselves ominously at random points around our kitchens, bedrooms and bathrooms.

One spider commented;

“We leave well alone during the summer months and congregate quietly in the gardens ensuring no nasty flies or other undesirables enter the premises. We believe we are entitled to a few months of R&R with the Mrs without fear of being persecuted or squashed.”

Homeowner, Leslie Adams, added;

“I don’t work 12 hours a week and pay half my taxes for some bloody immigrant spider to come and squat in my house rent free! I’ve got myself a pair of size 12 crocs to hand just in case one of them 8 legged bastards tries their luck”


The Daily Mail have also approached the situation in their characteristically rational and factual style and have stated that there will be at least 92 Trillion, individual spiders, all measuring at least 4 metres in diameter.




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