Kenneth Stockport from Bramley, Leeds, better known to his pals as “k stock” has reportedly stated that he can no longer leave the house anymore due to the fact real human faces confuse and scare him.
Our field reporter caught up with Kenneth at his family home and managed to get the following statement;
“I’m so used to seeing everyone with huge, sparkly deer eyes and rainbows pouring from their mouths that when I see them in person my brain struggles to comprehend real human features which results in me having a panic attack.
The last episode was so bad that it has deemed me house bound- I was at my local spar getting some baccy for me Mam when a young girl came out from the back to serve me. Almost straight away I realised it was a girl I’d been greasing on snapchat but there was something not quite right about her.
When she greeted me I noticed that there was no magical animations pouring from her mouth and her eyes remained the same size, my brain literally collapsed like a mash potato skyscraper and I fell to the floor and started shaking and foaming from the mouth.
I woke up 2 hours later in hospital and was advised by the nurse that I had been diagnosed with ‘snapaphobia’, a condition that apparently affects over 2 million adults between 16 and 25. “
No one knows exactly what triggers the condition but results from a recent study show that the only thing the affected have in common is that their average IQ is less than that of a Muller corner.