16 Confirmed deaths after ‘Black Friday’ event at Poundland

The final death toll from Poundlands ‘Black Friday’ event has been confirmed today. It took search and rescue teams 3 days to recover all the bodies from underneath the mountain of reduced items, which collapsed at 4pm on Friday 24th November.

The ‘10% off everything’ deal Poundland were running for the event, saw a record number of Britains’ finest flocking to the store to grab themselves a bargain.

One witness claimed it was “like a scene from the ‘Walking dead”, except there was more biting going on”

Store manager, Roland Quiff, quoted;

They were like animals!, more so than usual. We only knocked 10% off as our margins are pretty tight but people were literally clawing at each other to grab multi packs of quavers and LED light bulbs.

Customer, 86-year-old Margaret Thornton added;

“I only went in to stock up on food for my 7  cats but before i even made it to the aisle I was thrown into the biscuit section and punched in the head by a foreign looking lady wearing a sombrero! “

The store will remain closed until further notice as police investigations are still ongoing.

Staff have also been advised to attend self-defense classes in preparation for the boxing day sales.

Link to image used: https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/ad_153103252.jpg?w=620&h=412&crop=1

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